To my wife, Rachel.

Seriously, what is the deal? Timing is crazy for things to be in such flux! You lost your job last month and have had a few interviews but nothing solid yet and I’ve been, admittedly, very self-centered. I have really been fighting for this new job. I’m afraid I’ve really lost perspective on things with those most important to me. Last evening, you and I were bitterly embroiled in such a tiff as would be tough to beat in comparison. Shouting, accusing, blaming, cursing, threatening and more were spilling forth like an overheated car battery. This acid really tore away at some of the things that were really blinding me lately. I heard things come out of my mouth that would shock even me. I am truly sorry.

I really do love you, my wife and my little family. More than anything. I am very worried about Rachel finding a new job that she’ll like and that can pay enough. I am very sorry for those things I said. I don’t know how to regain your affection and more importantly, your trust. I was a fool. I hated myself last night. You opened my eyes to my horrible mistakes and oversights. Thank you.

Honey, let’s work on this. Let’s figure this marriage out once and for all. Six years is far too long to not know what we’re doing. I will be spending the rest of eternity with you and we gotta get this train back on the tracks, or on the tracks in the first place. This is worth it. I really see that more than I really have.

Why post this online for the world-at-large to read? I don’t know. Other than I feel you deserve a public apology. You have been putting up with my garbage and horrible pride and self-pity for long enough. I’m ready to really do this. To invest it all in us. You are my life. You are my heart. You are everything. I love you, Rachel.




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